Pride and Ophelia

You know how they say ‘pride goeth before the fall’? I think I’m finally getting to the nitty gritty of that bit. The sensible part of me is all ‘use your network. Tell everyone you’re looking for a job. Also nose in for leads on a house’…

But man, that’s a tough one. Several times, now, I’ve -nearly- posted something about it on Facebook. And I find that I can’t. I think it probably comes back to something a friend said years ago (to me and about me) “You’re always the financially solvent and steady one in this group”. Yeah. And now that’s just not true. I’ve always been the one that helps everyone. And now that I’m in need, I don’t even know how to ask. I don’t even know how to approach it.

Is it shame? I think it probably is, if I’m honest. I mean, not the whole thing, but part of it. I’ve reached this age and I’ve clearly fucked up somewhere, and now I’m -here-. And here isn’t great (yeah yeah… I know. We are calling this an adventure…) and I’m finding I can’t quite raise my hand on it. I know that it’s common. I mean, I have the internet. I’m not alone in life going tits up and slapping you up-side the head with a fast ball. As a matter of fact, I’m so ‘not alone’ that it’s positively boring in its utter -sameness- with folks. See? I’m already talking sense… and it means nowt. Because it’s happening to me. And apparently, I’m not ready to say that.

So, tomorrow I’ll start packing. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’ll be doing, but one thing I know for -sure- is that it will require boxes. At least that’s something. And tonight I’ll go to yoga. And Friday I’ll have a haircut. And who knows? Maybe I’ll admit I’m in trouble long before I’m waving at friends from my spot under the bridge as they drive past. The upshot is that I have a super cute dog. He’d totally make our bridge-look work.

 

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